ohhh...well, its 5am, light is starting to fall-or rise-and i have not been to sleep!...and with roseanne over at 4am, the only thing to do this early is think. i want to get married and have kids. but the husband i had is M I A and i dunno that he'll be there in two years when i finish school. so what to do in the mean time? as if school, work (and most recently work study), an internship, paying bills, and shopping wont keep me busy enough-should i date? i love my ex-future husband, i dont see myself moving on. i dont see myself meeting anyone new. but im not sure whether or not i see myself dating or being in a relationship with someone old. how can i? and once in a relationship, im not getting any younger-so how will getting my masters at fashion school in europe, living in paris, then moving to NY and doing whatever fashion associated career i choose fit in with marriage & kids? thats how you end up 40, single, and childrenless...sorry samantha, its only sexy in the city in the book/show/movie-not in real life. not for me. i just wanna sit and watch the sun rise. i want to yoga. but i hate floors. a loft in the city with floor to ceiling windows exposed brick and stainless steel would inspire me to yoga, among other things. thats all i want, is it so much to ask for? that, and a few large rolling racks filled with clothes...i wish it was spring again. back into the arms of my ex-future husband id fall, and live happily ever after, then die-maybe.